How To Get Kicked Out Of WalMart
by TonksCullen
Summary: Set post B/D. Cullen Kids having some 'harmless' fun in the local Wal*Mart while Carlisle Esme are away.What could POSSIBLY go wrong? Rated T just in case. Please R&R!
1. To Wal Mart!

How To Get Kicked Out Of Wal*Mart

**A/N: Set post BD. Nessie is hanging out the reservation with Jake in this one.**

**Chptr.1: To Wal*Mart!**

Emmett's POV

"Hey Jasper, come look at this!''

My little bro came thumping downstairs and was standing in the doorway in 3 seconds.

"_What_, Emmett?"

"Read that"

"Emmett we are not doing that!"

"How about that?"

"No way!" "How about _you_ do _that?"_

"No!"

"Wimp" Bella shot at me from where she was sitting with Alice.

No-one calls Emmett McCarty Cullen a wimp.

"Rosalie, Edward, Get in here!" I yelled. I had an idea.

Alice grinned when she saw my idea. Edward however looked slightly unsure about my plan.

"Yes Emmett lets do it!" Alice chirped enthusiastically.

"Emmett, we'll probably get kicked out" Edward said.

Alice snorted.

"Edward, _that's the whole damn point."_

"Oh."

"Emmett, what are they taking about?" asked Rosalie. She knew from experience that it was a bad idea for her not to know what Emmett was doing.

"I've had an idea, lets go to Wal*Mart and see how long it takes or the staff to kick us out!" "Esme and Carlisle are out hunting so they can't do anything about it!"

"But Emmett, _why_ would they want to kick us out of Wal*Mart?''

"Look at this, 62 ways to get kicked out of Wal*Mart. I recon we should give it a go, I mean why not?" All of my family could probably think of several _why nots. _I myself could think of a dangerous number of _why nots _that were federal law. But it would be better to keep them quiet. Fortunately none of my siblings could be bothered to argue.

"Okay, but on one condition" said Alice slyly "Shotgun!"

We all bolted for the cars.


	2. Looking Funny

Chptr.2 Looking Funny

Rosalie's POV

After we had pulled into a spot in the parking lot we all turned to stare at Emmett.

"Well, what now Emmett?" inquired Bella.

"Now dear sister, is time for the first item on the list."

"That being?"

"One of us has to…drum roll please Alice,"

Alice pounded on the dashboard, right on cue.

"Get on with it Emmett." said Jasper.

"Okay, one of us has to go through the checkout line with a bag of goldfish, tartar sauce, and a deep fryer."

"Do they sell goldfish in _bags_ here?" exclaimed Alice pretending to be surprised

" Don't be stupid Alice" said Jasper

Alice grinned.

"Well who exactly is going to do…,what was it again?" asked Edward.

"Go through the checkout line with a bag of goldfish, tartar sauce, and a deep fryer" I said.

"Yeah. That"

"Do you want to Edward?"

"No! Why can't say, Um…Rosalie! Why can't Rosalie do it?''

What?!

Silence.

"Okay Rose, your up!"

Me!? Why Me?!

"What! But…Urgh!"

Five minutes later and my _darling_ siblings are standing round casually waiting for me to go through checkout.

I go through the checkout. Normal. No strange reaction. The cashier looks up at me, with a funny look on his face.

Another five minutes and we're all back at the car.

"Well that was pointless."

"He only looked at you funny."

"I think that was because my eyes are the same color as my hair."

"Could be."

"So what are we going to do with this crap anyway?" I asked Emmett

"Uh…"

"Chuck it in the trunk and deal with it later?" suggested Jasper.

"Sounds good."


	3. BANG!

Chptr.3 Bang!

**A/N: No reviews for chapter even bad ones. Come on people!**

**I could do with some constructive criticism here! Do you want to see the Cullens get kicked out of Wal*Mart or what? Please R&R!!**

Bella's POV

As soon as Edward had slammed the trunk of the car shut we all turned to look at Jasper, who was reading the next thing on the list. He raised an eyebrow at the next thing on the list.

"You know I've only ever seen girls and Carlisle raise a eyebrow to some thing Jasper." Said Emmett with a grin on his face.

"So what's next on the list anyway Jasper?" asked Alice trying to look over his shoulder and failing.

Jasper put his arm around Alice as he read the next thing on the list.

"Get a small firecracker and go to the hunting section. Get a friend to let it off. When they do, scream and drop to the floor."

"Who's gonna do that one?" Emmett asked us all.

"I will" I said

"Okay, all we need now is a small firecracker" said Edward, "Where are we going to get a firecracker?''

"There's one in the glove box" said Emmett, as if it was normal to carry around explosives in ones car. We all stared at him as he went around and pulled one out and came back to where we were standing.

"Okay, lets go."

-Five minutes later-

BANG!

That was my cue!

I dropped to the floor, screaming, as did the rest of my family.

It had a good effect, made better by the fact that customers actually seemed to believe that one of the guns had been fired.

A voice came over the loudspeaker "Attention shoppers do not panic. In the event of accidental gunfire…" but we were not listening. We were laughing our heads of as we crawled towards the fire escape door.

"I can't believe they fell for it!"

"It-was-so-funny!"

"Seriously!"

"Idiots."

We kept laughing as we headed to the car.

"So while we wait for them to realise they've been _had, _what's next?"


	4. Period

Chptr.4 Period.

**A/N: Thanks for the good reviews everyone!! I don't mind bad reviews just tell me **_**why**_** you thought it was bad! Sorry for the delay in updating also, I was a bit slack. Please R&R, 2 reviews till next chapter!**

Jasper's POV

"Next on the list is… run up to a male employee and yell "I need some tampons!" I read it out to my siblings with some surprising reactions.

"Why?" asked Rosalie, to no-one in particular but the sky.

"No way is one of us girls going to do that." said Alice flatly.

"Jasper should do it." Said Bella.

"Why not Edward?!" I exclaimed

"Because the whole world knows he suffers from PMS" laughed Emmett.

"Well why don't you do it Emmett?" Edward shot at him.

"Fine!" he said ignoring a warning look form Rose "I will!"

"Wait!" Exclaimed Alice

We all turned to look at her.

She held out an unopened sauce sachet.

"Use this."

We all laughed as he turned around and applied the sauce in the 'appropriate' area.

We ran after him at vampire speed as he dashed into the store to find a misfortunate employee to target.

Once he had found his victim we waited in the next isle to look through the gap in the shelves. Alice was grinning like a Cheshire cat so no doubt the reaction would be a good one.

The show began.

Emmett ran squealing up to the unfortunate employee who's name tag identified him as Mike. He stopped right in front of him his legs tightly.

"Uh, can I help you sir?"  
"I need a TAMPON!" squealed Emmett.

"Uh, umm… sir"

"I need a TAMPON real BAD!"

"I, I ,Uh…"

He grabbed a box of tampons of the shelf he was stocking and threw them at him.

"Now go sir, _please_ go!"

Emmett quickly scampered away and met us back at the car.

"That. Was. So. Funny!"

"Yeah what's next Emmett?"


	5. read

**Hey!**

**Just want to say I am really caught up in everything over Xmas so I will not be posting again until after Xmas. By then I will have quite a few chapters finished and will post heaps more. Thanks!! And real sorry I have to make you wait!!!**

**TC**


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